You're the Bore

I've been noticing a few suspicious people around me who force out yawns when they see me, as if to say I'm a bore. I thought I should take a little break from blogging my videos to defend myself against another ridiculous criticism. Do you find me boring, CBC? Why are you here then? I don't have time to get bored after you brainwashed a whole generation to hate my guts with your stinking fraud and now I can't even get correct change at the convenience store if the cashier is under twenty-five. But you must have time to get bored because all you do is sit on your ass all day in an office and wait for your inflated paycheque. Do you think the world finds me boring? Why did they love my work so much that it was on every TV channel for five years if it was boring? Was the crowd bored at that Crystalids concert as they played my song Rusty? They didn't look very bored to me. Quite the opposite, they looked excited. Do you think they were only excited by your TV camera and not by my music? Well then, why did you need my music for the concert? Why don't you put us all to sleep with another Leonard Cohen recording? Make sure he wrote it himself. Is it because I said that acoustic music is too relaxing for my crowd that I am experiencing this backlash? That's some profound impact I have on the world with my casual statements, if that's the case. Why does everyone listen to what I say if it's so boring? Wouldn't I have a hard time holding their interest if I were boring? Do you think people find it boring to be corrected on lies that have been coming out of their TV 's and radios for the last ten years? Don't you think a lot of them are sitting on the edge of their seats, waiting to see which TV or radio fraud I expose next? Did you see all the big stars who went to prison for violating my work? They had their shows cancelled because they were 'dirty fraud shows' - in the words of one of my readers. Do you think it's boring when a disabled man living on a fixed income kicks the asses of so many mighty stars through the copyright protection system? I would have thought people would find that uplifting. I think Canadian history is boring, especially the way you depict it in your Canada: A People's History series. But I don't think anyone found my parodies of that series boring or they wouldn't have been so successful that your broadcasting colleagues had to steal them all from me when I first shared them. When someone yawns and it's a woman, I figure it's probably some kind of sexual invitation. As for yawning men, they train security to watch out for yawns as a giveaway of the intent to shoplift. There's something crooked about all these yawns I've been getting around here and I just wanted to let my readers know what's going on and remind them of what a rotten group I face here so they can better understand how so much filthy, sickening crime with my work was possible in the first place. Readers, don't miss my four new preceding posts, in which I say some very important things about dirty, crooked broadcasters. Make sure to pay attention to every single word of them if you want to know the truth the broadcasters are hiding from you. And don't worry, plenty more where they came from.
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© 2016. Statements by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.